Sajid Javid is like a knight in shining armour as he never misses a chance to come to the rescue of Britain. From dashing home from a family holiday and calling the Royal Navy in, to stopping the influx of rubber dinghies full of migrant children landing at Dover, or more recently revoking the citizenship of Shamima Begum. Sajid is the Richard the Lionheart of his time, the only difference being post-Brexit (if we ever get there) he won’t be able to maraud across Europe gathering cannon fodder for his crusade.
Alas Mr Javid, the man who wants to set the bar so high for immigration to the UK that his own father would have been turned away at the border, is left to defend the white cliffs all alone. Shamima Begum, one of three ‘IS brides’, who was somehow able to travel out of the UK to Turkey whilst being on the Channel Programme for radicalisation and having already been turned back once before, now wants to return to the UK. The only thing standing in her way is Mr Javid and his defence of the rights of British citizenship. With MPs abandoning their political parties like rats from a ship and Brexit looking more and more like an episode of Blackadder, Mr Javid must feel like Baldrick. His cunning plan to keep Shamima away from austerity-ravaged Britain is to hope that somewhere in the lower reaches of international law she is declared Bangladeshi, thus allowing him to remove the only citizenship she has. The fact the Bangladesh government has declared her not to be a citizen is totally lost on Sajid.
Shamima has said she doesn’t want to be the poster girl for ISIS, and Mr Javid and his motley crew of MPs aren’t doing a great job promoting Britain either. One must question the logic of someone wanting to return to a country where those elected to represent the people have spent the last two years plotting and planning against one another. Mr Javid would have been better off just telling Shamima the truth, that Britain isn’t all she remembers. The economy is on its knees, the politicians are even below that and the level of resentment towards “ethnics” and Muslims is at an all-time high. Mr Javid will disagree and speak about how he has helped create a harmonious society that feels relaxed – throwing bananas at footballers and hurling abuse at others. Can you imagine poor Shamima going to watch Millwall in her niqab? The locals would have kittens.
Raising a family in the UK won’t be easy for Shamima if she ever makes it here. Firstly, there is a need to teach children about the birds and the bees before they learn their one, two and threes. Kids are expected to be LGBT competent before they even know the alphabet. If her son gets past all these hurdles, he will most likely be monitored by Prevent for the rest of his life. Then there is paying for this up-keep: Universal Credit. Being a single mother on Universal Credit-regulated Britain is not as easy as thought to be; she might end up going to food banks like thousands of others.
Finding somewhere to live amidst the housing crisis is going to be impossible. Someone tell her the refugee camp seems a better prospect than living in a tower block likely to go up in flames due to the dodgy cladding. This is something Mr Javid’s friends in Whitehall are yet to address.
All in all, being a citizen of Britain 2019 isn’t all that it seems cracked up to be – citizens are forgotten, marginalised and pushed to the fringes of society.