THE PRESIDENT:  Good evening, everybody.  Over the past few days, the American people have watched the situation unfolding in Egypt.  We’ve seen enormous demonstrations by the Egyptian people.  We’ve borne witness to the beginning of a new chapter in the history of a great country, and a long-time partner of the United States. [We have looked on with great discomfort as our loyal servant Mubarak has been moved on at a time that was not of our choosing.]

And my administration has been in close contact with our Egyptian counterparts and a broad range of the Egyptian people, as well as others across the region and across the globe.  [We have been in constant contact with Mubarak and other potential future agents and have been looking at how we can salvage US interests in the region and steal the people’s revolution]

And throughout this period, we’ve stood for a set of core principles. [Throughout this period we have been with Mubarak but have been forced to sit on the fence].

First, we oppose violence.  [We oppose violence when it is not in our interests; when it is in US interests we invade and occupy countries killings hundreds of thousands of civilians, we instigate coups in other countries and we were the first and only nation to use nuclear weapons]

And I want to commend the Egyptian military for the professionalism and patriotism that it has shown thus far in allowing peaceful protests while protecting the Egyptian people.  We’ve seen tanks covered with banners, and soldiers and protesters embracing in the streets.  And going forward, I urge the military to continue its efforts to help ensure that this time of change is peaceful. [I appeal to the Egyptian military to allow Mubarak ensure a smooth transition to another loyal Western puppet]

Second, we stand for universal values, including the rights of the Egyptian people to freedom of assembly, freedom of speech, and the freedom to access information.  Once more, we’ve seen the incredible potential for technology to empower citizens and the dignity of those who stand up for a better future.  And going forward, the United States will continue to stand up for democracy and the universal rights that all human beings deserve, in Egypt and around the world. [We have seen the incredible ability of our puppets to stifle the use of technology by shutting down entire communications networks. We will continue to support King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia, Assad of Syria, Abdullah of Jordan, Karimov of Uzbekistan, Hasina of Bangladesh and Zardari of Pakistan]

Third, we have spoken out on behalf of the need for change.  After his speech tonight, I spoke directly to President Mubarak. [I thanked Mubarak for his lifetime of loyal service to the US and Israel].

He recognizes that the status quo is not sustainable and that a change must take place. [He sees the writing on the wall but wants to hang on to power for as long as he can]. Indeed, all of us who are privileged to serve in positions of political power do so at the will of our people.  Through thousands of years, Egypt has known many moments of transformation.  The voices of the Egyptian people tell us that this is one of those moments; this is one of those times. [I have spoken with Mubarak tonight and told him to ‘hang on in there’. We recognise that finally he has reached his use by date and we therefore need to engineer a change to another loyal, subservient ruler. We need him to stick around until we can generate a credible alternative without a real change in the system – an alternative who will secure our interests while fooling the people that change has taken place]

Now, it is not the role of any other country to determine Egypt’s leaders.  Only the Egyptian people can do that. [I have been working day and night to ensure that the US has control over who takes power in Egypt. We have a solid track record of regime change and supporting a band of unsavoury dictators and tyrants].

What is clear — and what I indicated tonight to President Mubarak — is my belief that an orderly transition must be meaningful, it must be peaceful, and it must begin now. [The writing is on the wall and the game is over, Mubarak must now go and we must have an orderly transition to ensure that our interests and those of our regional allies, specifically Israel, are not affected].

Furthermore, the process must include a broad spectrum of Egyptian voices and opposition parties.  It should lead to elections that are free and fair.  And it should result in a government that’s not only grounded in democratic principles, but is also responsive to the aspirations of the Egyptian people. [We have been working behind the scenes to groom some “Egyptian voices and opposition parties” and we hope they will win the elections. The government must be a Western style democracy rather than an Islamic state].

Throughout this process, the United States will continue to extend the hand of partnership and friendship to Egypt.  And we stand ready to provide any assistance that is necessary to help the Egyptian people as they manage the aftermath of these protests. [As long as Mubarak remains we will continue to support him and we will use the coming months to try to shore up our influence in Egypt as Mubarak has been a loyal servant for 30 years]

Over the last few days, the passion and the dignity that has been demonstrated by the people of Egypt has been an inspiration to people around the world, including here in the United States, and to all those who believe in the inevitability of human freedom. [The passion and the dignity of the people of Egypt in the last few days has given me and my government nightmares – the thought that the authority will return to the people of Egypt has horrified us].

To the people of Egypt, particularly the young people of Egypt, I want to be clear:  We hear your voices. I have an unyielding belief that you will determine your own destiny and seize the promise of a better future for your children and your grandchildren.  And I say that as someone who is committed to a partnership between the United States and Egypt. [We are committed to enslaving another generation of Egyptians under IMF loans, keeping Islam far from state and society and ensuring the security of Israel].

There will be difficult days ahead.  Many questions about Egypt’s future remain unanswered.  But I am confident that the people of Egypt will find those answers. [Over the last few days my Administration has been hurriedly trying to find an alternative to the Mubarak regime – with Mubarak gone, the US will lose a loyal and dependable ally who protected US and Israeli interests, he will be hard to replace but the search is on].

That truth can be seen in the sense of community in the streets.  It can be seen in the mothers and fathers embracing soldiers.  And it can be seen in the Egyptians who linked arms to protect the national museum — a new generation protecting the treasures of antiquity; a human chain connecting a great and ancient civilization to the promise of a new day.

Thank you very much.

END
6:49 P.M. EST